Friday, September 12, 2014

An apology

I have to apologize.

I have had some ups and downs on this journey. This past month has been very hard for me. I have really grown over the past year and a half, but am still imperfect! I look for the good in every day, and over the past month, it seems the bad outweighs the good.

Oh, I know that I still have so much to be thankful for. Handsome husband, happy boy, roof over my head.

My health hasn't been the best, my best friend's mom was just diagnosed with cancer, and it seems like I am reading more and more about sadness and mourning. So it has definitely been harder than I expected!

When you are first diagnosed with candida, you are overwhelmed. Of course, it could always be worse - but you are very limited in what you can eat. And if you do your research via Dr. Google, well, you will most likely end up like me: immobilized.

There have been many days where I have gone hungry lately. Nights where I am up because my stomach hurts from hunger pains. But I am scared to eat anything that could potentially feed the candida. Probably for this reason, I also developed adrenal fatigue.

My Dr basically just told me to stay away from sugar and yeast - and today, I realized I have been avoiding any type of food at all because I was so scared. And because I already spend hours in the kitchen every day making food for my boy and husband.

When you have candida, you can't just reheat leftovers or grab a slice of toast. You need to make everything from scratch with ingredients you KNOW are safe. It's not unusual for me to take 30 - 45 minutes on one meal for myself alone, not to mention cooking for my FPIES boy.

So again: I'd like to apologize for losing my determination this week. I always try to see the good in every situation, and I have been so incredibly drained and tired it's been hard to focus on anything at all, much less the good.

But things are changing today. Starting with pizza.

Yup, pizza.

I still agree with what my doctor said - though you need to also factor in certain foods that feed candida - like grapes, coffee, other food items that may contain mold (peanut butter, sigh).

But more importantly, if you are struggling with a diet restriction/new allergy, I encourage you to take your journey one step at a time, one meal at a time. When you eat, listen to your body - it should tell you if you are reacting to a food. For some, it may take awhile.

Of course, I'm not a Doctor (listen to yours!), just someone who's been there and is striving to use this journey to help encourage others who may need it.

And tonight, I'm having pizza. Anti-candida pizza, to be precise ;)


  1. Awe girl no need to apologize you are human and going through a lot. I think you are strong and amazing.