Monday, July 28, 2014

Girls: It's OK to Have High Standards!

Today, I am going to talk about something that's been on my heart for a few months, but I haven't really known how to share it.

See? Even Coco Chanel knows ;)
See, the majority of my audience are moms who have similar struggles as me.

But going back to before I became a Mom, or even a wife, I was just a teenager with high expectations:
  1. I expected to get married very young.
  2. I expected to have kids right after I got married.
  3. I expected a REAL man to come along who respected me.
One out of three of those things I expected actually happened.

I can completely understand some of you girls who may be waiting (maybe not so) patiently for your perfect mate to come along.

Some of you may even be frustrated by your friends and others who seem to snag a guy without even trying.

Let me ask you this:

At what cost are they doing so?

I am the first to admit: I was very frustrated when my perfect guy didn't sweep me off my feet right out of high school.

I watched my best friends and close family members get married and have babies very young.

I watched and wondered, "where is my soul mate? Where is my family?"

I began to wonder if my expectations were too high.

And you know what God kept bringing me back to?

"Wait on the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart"
Psalm 37:4

I was definitely not impressed with this. I wanted kids and a husband! I was lonely and it hurt with every new wedding I attended and every newborn baby I held in nursery.

Fast forward: My now-husband and I reconnected in March of 2006 (he was actually friends with my Dad when I was a kid!). It was definitely not one of those love-at-first-sight things. We were friends for a few months, but it didn't take long for us to realize we were soul mates!


Jon proposed to me in August of 2006 and we were married in April of 2007. Fast? Yeah, probably - but we both knew, and despite our imperfections and the stress of every day life, we are still going strong!

Girls, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having high standards. Actually, you SHOULD have high standards!

If you don't respect yourself, do you really expect a man to?

So - I'm no expert on relationships, I'm seriously not. But I wanted to share with you a few ideas on ways to start this new mindset of having HIGH standards and sticking to them. You may not like them - you may write these off, but I encourage you to take them to heart. I write them out of love and I write these as if I was writing to myself before my husband came along!

#1: Change your priorities.

You may be lonely. You may be afraid of being unloved, alone - that's normal! Work on getting your priorities straight first and KNOWING what you are looking for before you find it. How do you do this? Get your priorities aligned. This does NOT mean finding someone right NOW. This means being happy with where you are at in your life before that someone comes along. Whoever it is, I don't care how perfect he is, he will NOT fill that void in your life and magically make you happy. He just won't.

What your priorities need to be - in order:
  1. God (yes, I mean it - Do you really think anyone here on earth knows real love like God does?)
  2. What your life's purpose is. We were made with gifts, and talents. Are you using yours? Chances are, if you start, you'll find what's next:
  3. Your soul mate.

Pay attention to my heart right now as I write this: 

Stop settling.

Stop settling for relationships that cause you more pain than joy. 

Stop settling for leading a mediocre life.

You were made to shine, to be different, to be special. You are SO precious, SO valuable, and SO worthy. Why settle for less? When that soul mate of yours comes along, he will see that in you - something that he's never seen in anyone else before! 

That is what will draw him to you.

Ok, the next step:

#2: Change your price tag.

"Everyone has a boyfriend! Everyone!" <----this is what was told to me in my early twenties about high school kids, other college students, and pretty much any female anywhere, ever.

Umm.. no, they don't. 

If you are surrounded by girls who have high standards themselves and are willing to help keep you accountable to your own, then no, not everyone throws themselves at the first available guy right away.

But if you are constantly around people who do NOT  have those high standards for themselves, then you will quickly lose whatever sense of personal value you may have had before.

It is not only acceptable to demand higher standards, it is what God wants for you!

Girls, respect yourself enough to set a higher value on you and your expectations of your mate!

#3: When you DO find your soul mate - tell other girls the same thing I'm telling you now!

Oh, things won't be perfect. We are human, after all. No matter how perfectly you and your husband will get along, you WILL have disagreements. You will NOT see eye to eye on everything.

But there will be other girls who look at your marriage and think you have it all together and wonder what you did to get it so good!

Make sure you pass it forward. Make sure you encourage those girls to demand high standards and to respect themselves enough to realize their worth and to demand the same out of whoever they're surrounded by. Because let's face it: with the media, and with peer pressure, this notion of respecting yourself is getting mocked every single day.

When you are mocked (it will happen), remember: 

Someone who is attacking you with their words says a lot about their heart and not yours.

As for what to do today: ask yourself right now: what price tag are you putting on yourself? 

You are stronger.
You are blessed.
You are loved.
You are worthy.
You are not a mistake.

Believe it.

You were created for more!

- Amanda :)

1 comment:

  1. OMG!!! I soooooo love that you posted this!! I want my daughter to read every word of this when she is old enough to understand! Well written and AMEN!!