Friday, February 21, 2014

Discouraged with Working Out? Want to Quit? Remember Your Inspiration!

I am a Liberty. I hate confessions. I hate admitting that I'm human and I mess up. I hate it when I fail, even when I learn from my failing experiences. This week has been one of those experiences. I share this despite all my reservations, because I know there are others out there who get discouraged, and want to quit. This is for you - because this goes against every fiber of my being to share.

This past week, I was SO excited, as I had lost some weight and broken through my plateau by coupling the 21 Day Fix portion control with my P90X3 workouts. I was officially down 70 pounds from my heaviest weight.

However, something in me also snapped this week. I have been running myself into the ground trying to be perfect. Trying to get the best results for those looking to me for inspiration, trying to be the best example for each of my challengers and friends. I weighed in at my lowest weight ever on Tuesday. Excited, YES.. but also nervous - and exhausted from trying so hard.

On Wednesday, I woke up discouraged. Nothing I was doing seemed to be helping people any more. I was trying, giving things my all, running FIVE different challenge groups, sending out messages upon messages every day to everyone, trying to hold everyone to their commitments, and working hard to meet new people to encourage and support. As a result of working on this all day and night, I was falling apart, and my family was seeing less and less of me. I realized I was back in the same place I was when I was working full-time outside the home anyways. AND I've been comparing myself to other Coaches (comparison is the thief of joy, I know this, but I still do it sometimes). This had caused me to become very discouraged - not only because they are more successful than I am, but also because they have reached their fitness goals or are closer to them and seem to have it all together.

To my shame, instead of snapping out of it, I ate my misery. For three straight days, I have done nothing but eat and eat and eat. I've eaten things I haven't eaten in years! The binge eating came back with a vengeance. I gained back the weight I've lost that last week already, and I felt gross and helpless again. Until earlier today.

If you've all read my story, you know how I've struggled with emotional eating since my little guy was born. For the first year, it was straight-up binge eating - taking out all of my frustrations and helplessness on every piece of food I could get my hands on. This week brought me back to that place.

Today, in my brokenness, God spoke to my heart and reminded me that I was trying to do everything on my own... again. I was trying to help each of my customers, challengers, and friends (even those who didn't want to be helped). I was trying desperately to reach out to more people, to have that "perfect body" so more people would look up to me. To gain complete control over every bite of food I ate, and to kill every workout. As a result, I ran myself into the ground, judged my actions every single day, and ended up eating out my negative feelings and frustrations all over again.

I decided to simplify, and to step back for a few days. I stepped away from facebook to stop the comparison game and really just recharge. I checked email twice a day to give myself a break and to really think about things. Today, I found myself eating yet another half a loaf of homemade bread and realized I was getting back to the place I was in before. And I lost it.

You know what I finally did this afternoon? I remembered my inspiration. What did God use to get me out of that place? What did He use to speak to me to tell me how precious I am to Him and how my opinion of myself was void? He used TurboFire - so that's what I broke out this afternoon. I put in a movie for my little guy, laced up my sneakers, and worked out with my favorite trainer of all time for an hour.

It took about 30 seconds for me to start bawling like a little girl. About 10 minutes into it, I was still crying, but was putting every ounce of effort into my workouts. See, it brought me back to that place I was in before when I had lost all hope. And for the record: I know that my hope is in Christ. I know He loves me more than Chalene Johnson does - I (try to) read my Bible every day, and spend time with Him. But when it comes to how you see yourself, often times we don't think of how God sees us - and when Chalene tells me I'm worth the hard work & effort, I believe it. Because it reminds me that if she thinks that, how much more does our God? Even in our imperfections! Make sense?

I am now refocused, re-energized and ready to help those customers and friends again.. but I'm going to help them by helping myself and by SIMPLIFYING my efforts. No more running 5 - 7 challenge groups at a time. No more dragging people who don't truly want it bad enough or bugging those who don't want better health at all. I will do this thing and be my best by focusing on getting in my own workouts and eating as well as possible, and by not beating myself up when I have a bad day. Because I've learned my lesson this week - it's ok to fail. It's ok to be human and to mess up and OWN UP to it - it's called "failing forward", learning from your mistakes, thanking God for His grace and wisdom and moving on.

Another hard life lesson learned. When all else fails, when you don't know where to turn; when you keep failing... Remember your inspiration. Remember to simplify. Remember to stop the comparison game, if you are guilty of it as I am. And remember that God is in control and has a plan far better than yours anyways!

- Amanda :)

1 comment:

  1. I think this is one of the things I struggle with the most. Looking at myself the way Jesus does. I get caught up in my shortcomings, but He sees the finished picture. It should inspire me rather than get me down. Thank you for your honesty.